my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
