you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
