You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
