wrigley field is MILF paradise
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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