Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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