So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
