If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
