In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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