Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
