if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
