I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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