somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
