Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
