My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
