no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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