PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
