Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
