Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
did i walk over a car last night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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