you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize