It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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