if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
