yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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