We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
