it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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