Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
