I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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