I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
