I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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