Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
