Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I want a musical about memes.
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