just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
