I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
