Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
