If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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