I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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