You're so nebulous sometimes
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize