I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I need moral support for this bender
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
