Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize