I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
