Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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