ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think your dad took our porno
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
