You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
