And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
