At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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