We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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