I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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