Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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