My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
