I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
