Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
