Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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