she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I party with great urgency now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
