I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
