Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
