booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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