Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
