There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
