sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A bitchslap is in order.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
