When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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