It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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