your thong is hanging out like whoa
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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