You smell like a Billy Joel song
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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