I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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